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In Which We Don't (Or Do?) Discuss Someone's Weight

posted on: May 19, 2016

I haven't stepped on a scale in over a year. Maybe longer? I have yet to have an ounce of longing to do so, or even a minute of regret. And maybe I've noticed things with my body and clothes, but they don't hold enough space in my mind to begin a true dialogue.  I've watched on as some have made weight loss, or healthy eating and/or exercise a part of their public journey - it is beautiful. And even on occasion, in the past, I've discussed eating habits and these curves I adorn.

My discussions feel slightly different though...



they've based on curves and body acceptance. They've been there as antidotes, and to help continue the conversation on a platform that felt full of insecurities about style, fashion, and who could wear what and when. But weight, and how much or little gained or lost, I can't recall when that door was wide open for discussion and questioning, and it has me wondering;

When is weight up for discussion? When did it become such an easy topic to bring up amongst strangers and is it actually okay to make assumptions if someone has lost or gained?

At times, it feels as though with the grand use of social media, and the sharing of peeks into ones life, there are grey areas. I personally make it a goal never to discuss someone's weight unless they invite me to weigh in, and even then, my comments are usually reserved. Maybe it's because I've seen various weight dialogues and journeys that are often difficult. Whatever it may be, it's definitely got be thinking. Weigh in below. ;) 

(Image: Brittnee Blair via Refinery 29)

13 comments:

  1. This is truly difficult, our bodies are up for discussion so often and on so many levels that it is often hard to know what is appropriate. And things that were once inappropriate no longer are, so much so that we may make a comment about our own bodies that we would not have otherwise but we feel some subliminal pressure to do so. Often we start the conversation with some horrid self critique. Some note about how much we are and are not eating. How loose or tight our clothes are fitting. How much we hate this or that body part. But where does it end. What are we communicating to the little ones we love and mother.

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  2. I tend to cringe when someone brings up my weight - even if it is to congratulate me on losing some. For me, the subject is super emotional and complex - too heavy a topic for small talk and frankly, nobody's business but my own. At the same time, I think deep discussions about body image and self-love are really important to womankind as a whole. In the right time and place i like being a part of those discussions. But for everyday conversation I am more tight-lipped. If I think a girlfriend looks great I tell her so - and leave it at that!

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    1. Hi Mary, yes, you articulated my sentiments exactly. I just don't think it's up for small talk, whether someone is congratulating you on losing. It's just a bit uncomfortable and cringe-worthy.

      XO

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  3. Agreed! Maybe if we DIDN'T focus on it so much, or talk about it endlessly, women especially wouldn't feel such pressure to look a certain way. I'm 7 months postparm and still have no clue what I gained during pregnancy or what I weigh now. Who the hell cares! My daughter certainly doesn't. As someone who is nearing 40 in a few months, this topic becomes less and less something I want to spend any amount of time on. Great post!

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  4. Yeah, I'd like to read/hear more conversations about self love, self acceptance and body image. Personally, I struggle with my body image and my weight. I know that I am healthy but my brain just seems to tell me otherwise, everytime I look in the mirror I feel bad. But, as I began to follow more body positive ppl on social media, that scenario of self loathe has been slowly changing for the better.
    I think conversations like this are very important. don't like to talk about my weitgh, and I don't comment other ppl's weitgh either, but I think that it's important for us to talk about it on a social level.

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    1. Hi Carol! I'm so happy the other body positive accounts are helping, it's a long road, I know. I think you're spot on; the conversation of self-love MUST be continued. But when we start directing someones weight loss or gain (maybe even our own) the area gets grey and uncomfortable. XO

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  5. In my family, and I think this is typical of Jamaican culture, it is not considered rude to comment on someones weight gain or loss when you see them but it isn't said with any judgement attached. It is merely a statement of fact. In wider society I am uncomfortable with the fact that my weight loss is always commented on and ALWAYS seen as positive. Unless I have stated that my goal is to lose weight it should not be assumed that I aspire to do so.

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    1. HI! Totally, amongst my family as well, overtime i visit family I haven't seen in a while there is always discussions on who's butt has gotten bigger or smaller etc. I think it's just part of the culture... a part i'm not a fan of though. But it never felt harmful.

      Yes, like a commenter said below, you just don't know why someone is losing weight! It's best to just not comment.

      xo

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  6. I never comment on weight unless the other person brings it up, not even if he/she has lost weight. Drastic weight loss might be from an illness that person wishes not to divulge. As for drastic weight gain; I once mistakenly asked a co-worker if she was expecting. The look on her face--she was crushed.

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    1. Hi Debra! I feel the same exact way. So many people are battling different things, it's best to tread lightly.
      So sorry about that weird encounter.
      xo

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  7. My grain of salt in this matter would be maybe to also focus on what our body can achieve rather than how it looks.
    I do sports to be able to perform a half marathon, a boxing fight, a volley ball match, climb a mountain, do heavy duty work renovation our house, move heavy things...
    I enjoy my body in the move and for what it can achieve. It is a strong body.


    Well maybe it is easy for me as I am relatively thin, even if on the stocky/bulky frame.

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  8. First i am loving this picture. To be honest ive never grew up with a scale nor have one at my apartment. I never sit and speak on weight. Now others around me do but i just listen. I mean im ok with me and no im not small but i have a list of life annoyances to worry about. I also think people are too opinionated and its sad.

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